Like a Blade to My Heart
by ChildofBabylon
Summary: Similarly Set at the end of series 2 episode 13 but will not be exact. What would happen if Nikki found out something about Helen that would explain her delicate state of mind. Warning- adult content and some scenes may be upsetting for viewers.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters (unfortunately) as they are all owned by Shed Productions

So I had a little mental block with MTWR and decided to write this little beast, and the more I have written the more it is growing on me, I've had the idea for a while now but never had the courage to do it, I will be carrying on with both these stories and hopefully get out of my rut. Please tell me what you think of this one because I wasn't too sure at first. It would be very much appreciated.

Tillyxxx

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><p>The blade glistened in her hand and seemed inviting and tormenting daring the young girl to use it. She held it for ten minutes just staring at the beautiful metal thinking blankly. Every time she tried to think of something nothing came to her it was clouded, fuzzy in her haze she tried to feel which was worse. A lot worse. She was numb. She glided her finger across the flat palette feeling its coldness beneath her fingertip. She looked at it and seeing no blood she smiled slightly. The girl rolled the sleeve up on her arm and took a deep breath as she placed the blade by her skin. She paused before lifting it off again and resting her head in her other hand as she began to sob. This time she would do it. It had been calling to her for two weeks now and every time she had pushed the idea away. This was stupid, she thought to herself why couldn't she do it. She was weak, that's why she couldn't save her mother. Her own mother and she couldn't save her. She was pathetic no wonder her mummy had left her alone. She grabbed hold of the knife this time properly and dragged it up her arm again and again. Before moving it slightly and doing it again. She dropped the instrument to the floor and watched in awe as the slight red ribbons appeared, they weren't gushing with blood like she had expected but it was pleasant in the way her wrist burned and stung. She smiled to herself in satisfaction for the first time in a long while she felt at peace, the pain made her feel and it felt good to be able to. She cleaned her fresh wounds wincing lightly as the antiseptic wipe stung her again before lightly and carefully wrapping it up protectively. She wiped the blade down before returning it to its stand in the kitchen. The young girl gave a small sigh before looking down at her wrist and then at the stand before walking back to her bedroom.<p>

XXXXX

Helen sat alone now in her London flat on the sofa staring blankly at the wall ahead of her. Tear tracks streamed down her cheeks silently as she thought about her dilemma with Nikki and how their relationship was sure to be over. She honestly didn't feel anything for Dominic Mcallister he was just a friend but she had led him on even flirting with him a little to make herself feel better. If only Di Barker and the other prison officers didn't stir gossip then there would have been no reason for Nikki to get jealous. She should have known this was coming Helen thought to herself fiercely you were happy it was only going to be a matter of time before it came crashing down around you. She lifted her hands to her eyes pushing the hard base of her palm into her eyes as she screamed at herself internally a string of insults and names attacking her and making her feel sick. Stupid whore, bitch, Slut, Useless brat, Two faced Tart, Scottish Cow, Useless Brat, prick teaser, Two faced tart, Useless brat. Two faced tart. TWO FACED TART. They were all the voices, the names she had been called from the people in her life Fenner, children at her school, ex-boyfriends, her father and Nikki.

It was Nikki's words that forced their way to the front of her mind clawing at her emotions. She wanted to make her stop yet she needed to her the voice that had begun to trouble her over the past few months. She slowly lifted her face and blinked open her eyes before wiping the tears roughly from her flushed cheeks. She thought back to the past few months were her relationship with Nikki though still kept a secret due to their positions in the prison environment it had been flourishing. Every moment they stole together whether it was in the library or the art room or even Nikki's cell was pure heaven and Helen though she would never admit it to Nikki was beginning to crave those times they were alone. Yet Helen was throwing it all away due to her ridiculous principles which she had to abide by otherwise she was nothing. The small Scot laughed sardonically into the dead air around her the noise sounding detached in her ears and broken much like her heart at the moment. Her arms wrapped around herself squeezing tightly trying to offer herself comfort.

She thought back to her childhood something she didn't allow herself to do usually. All the pain of remembering her mother when she was happy and healthy, she remembered back to when she was six years old and she was playing in the local park and she fell off one of the swings and grazed her knee. It was one of the rear times her father had accompanied them on one of their days out and Helen decided that she would show off by going the highest but when she fell, he tutted at her and told her to stop being a silly girl. So she pulled down her dress and smoothed it out before going over to the round about to sulk, she remembered her mother talking to her father quite sternly before cautiously coming towards the sulking child. Helen remembered sitting against the middle iron bar, her knees tucked under her chin and her dirty hands gently stroking her knees to see if they hurt. Her mother sat beside her and ducked her head under the iron bars towards her daughter.

"That was quite a nasty fall you had there, darling, but you were brave weren't you for not crying." Her mother said patiently waiting for her to reply. Helen had lifted her head hiding her face with her hair she nodded.

"I think that daddy would have cried if he did that." She tried again.

"Why doesn't daddy love me?" The smaller child asked finally lifting her eyes to meet her mothers.

"Oh Helen Stewart! Stop playing the martyr your daddy does love you! He always cuddles you and gives you kisses and reads you bed time stories." Her mother chided, the younger Helen had the good grace to blush and look away.

"But he told me that I was being a silly girl and he didn't give me a hug." She frowned.

"That's because you're growing up to a big girl and big girls aren't silly. Did you want a hug Helen?" She asked trying to hide her smile knowing what her child truly wanted.

"No mummy because I'm a big girl. Big girls don't need hugs from their mummies," She said as she crawled out from under the bars of the roundabout. Her mother stood up too only taking two steps before she took a hold of her daughter's hand and spinning her around. She bent down to the child's level and looked her in the eyes. Her own were sparkling unshed tears glistening in their depths.

"Ah my wee Helen, you are wrong. All girls need hugs from their mummy's especially big ones." Then she pulled the child into a strong hug to hide from the little girl the fact that a tear had escaped and was rolling down her cheek before she released the girl and let her run into the arms of her daddy who picked her up and spun her around.

Now Helen was much older she understood that this must have been around the time that her mother had been diagnosed with cancer as her father hardly had time for her before and especially after her mother had died. Another large tear rolled down her cheek she stood slowly and walked over towards a small table in the corner of the room, she bent down to her knees and tugged on the stiff draw till it began to open she placed her hand inside and closed her eyes as she felt around once she felt the familiar metal in her hands she pulled her hand out. Curled up in the palm of her hand was a pair of scissors. Helen scowled at the object in her hand to which she had become quite dependant on in her life she shuffled back over to the sofa and pulled her knees up to her chest then rested her left arm on her knee before rolling up the sleeve. Before she began dragging the blunt blade across her skin she allowed herself to remember another childhood memory. Her mother was bundled in bed sheets and duvets covers, far too many but Joseph Stewart insisted that she should be warm and comfortable. He had popped out into the kitchen to make them some toast for a small supper, in reality he knew what was happening and allowed his daughter some final moments with her mother, Helen's mother had patted the mattress beside her. The nine year old had happily jumped up as when her father was in the room she had to sit in one of the two wooden chairs in the room so that her mother could rest properly and so that she didn't bother her. She snuck under the cover and wiggled her toes in the warmth there whilst crushing her small body up to her mother's side.

"Now my wee Helen I'm going to tell you a story and it is very important that you remember all of it." The tired looking woman began as she wrapped her arm around the young girl and kissed her forehead. Helen remembered how different her mother was at this time, she was bed ridden, thin and frail. Her face looked quite gaunt and she was often crying to herself or Joseph in pain but whenever Helen looked into her eyes she remembered the twinkle that lay there. The nine year old looked up at her with wide eyes and nodded solemnly. She went to open her mouth but her mother stopped her.

"Once upon a time there was a little girl and she was beautiful the most beautiful little girl in the world. She had mummy and a daddy who loved her very much but one day her mummy went walking in the forest when she came across a nasty witch and she put a spell on the little girl's mummy making her very poorly and she was in a lot of pain all the time. The little girl's daddy and the little girl were very good to their mummy always helping her and trying to make her feel better but they knew that she was hurting a lot. One night when the mummy was in bed she woke and saw an angel stood at the bottom of her bed. She gasped in shock.

"Oh angel what are you doing here?" She asked and the angel replied.

"I am here because it is your time to be free and stop hurting. It is your turn to collect your wings and become an angel." The angel held out his hands towards the mother and helped her stand before kissing her on the forehead.

"Must I go angel? I do not want to leave my husband and my little girl." The mummy cried but the angel shook his head sadly.

"You have to come with me to peace, you will always be able to love your family and you will be able to watch them from heaven." He said to her as he held onto her hand.

"Please angel, can I say goodbye?" She asked and the angel nodded.

Then mummy drifted over to her husband and bent down to kiss his lips.

"I love you with all of my heart and I always shall as you are my soul mate. You are my strong and shining knight and you are my prince charming but I shall not leave you as I promise we will meet again my love." Helens mother looked over towards the open bedroom door as she spoke to her husband, her eyes glistening as a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek. She cleared her croaky throat a little before carrying on with the story as she stroked Helen's soft hair.

"Then mummy came into her daughter's bedroom and pulled up the covers up to the little girls neck so she could stay warm and mummy kissed her cheek. "I love you with all my heart and I always shall as you are my beautiful little girl who I adore. You will become one fine wee lass when you are older and I am sure you will find your perfect partner who will love, cherish and protect you always but until those days I will be watching over you darling and I will guide you. You are so loved and I am so sorry for having to leave you and I promise every night I will come down from heaven and kiss you goodnight in your sleep." Then her mummy said to both daddy and the little girl that they must look after each other in the hard times to come and they must remember that she loved them both before the angel took her hand and took her to heaven and when the morning came the little girl and daddy cried that they wouldn't be able to see mummy in a while but they knew she was safe, they knew she was watching over them and they knew she loved them." Helen's mother managed to choke out at the end as she clung on to her daughter.

"I love you." She whispered into Helen's hair as a thick drowsy state began to claim her but she tried to fight it.

Helen looked up to her mother and traced the lines around her tired looking eyes with her small fingers. "I love you too and you look very pretty mummy even though you are sleepy and poorly" She said seriously before giving her mother a sloppy kiss on the cheek. As Joseph stepped into the room and headed towards the bed Helen chewed her lip and began to climb out of the big bed. Afraid she might get told off.

"Not this time eh lass" He said not daring to look at his daughter, the tears where threatening to fall and his voice were gruff. Helen remained curled to her mother's side.

"Mummy was that story about you?" Helen asked as her mother began to close her eyes, her father stiffened at the bedside.

"Aye Helen and it is true, you always have been a bright girl. Just remember that I will always be here," Her mother gestured to her heart before looking in Joseph's direction. "I love you. Please look after her. I'll be waiting for you sweetheart." She slurred as her overwhelming tiredness took over her frail body and her last breath left her lips. Helen remembered her father collapsing onto her mother's lifeless body and sobbing hard while she cried for her mummy to come back.

Helen opened her eyes in the dark room and looked at her right hand. Its grip around the scissors were so tight that it left her knuckles white, she tried to relax them as the silent sobs racked her entire body. As she dropped the scissors in her hand she pushed her head back against the sofa as she thought of what Nikki had told her one time she was down the block "I want to make love to you all night long," Her voice rang through her head torturing her as she knew that it wouldn't be happen in a while.

"I'm so fucked up," She moaned to herself when she heard the shrill ring of the doorbell break her thoughts. As she stood she wondered who it could possibly be at this time and she grimaced in the darkness. She hurried through to the downstairs toilet quickly splashing her face so that she looked a little refreshed and tried to smooth down her hair before heading for the front door. Clearly the person at the door was impatient as they kept the ringing the bell, she was getting ready to give that person what for, when Helen yanked open the door and was rendered speechless at the sight before her. She stared for a brief moment before her voice managed to kick in.

"Nikki, what the Fu-"

"I've got to talk to you," The con said seriously, her dark brown eyes full of apology and a little scared of the reaction she might receive. Helen's shoulder's relaxed a little as she looked at the woman before her before reality hit her and she knew she wasn't dreaming.

"No, no, no" Helen panicked closing the door and heading for the kitchen she grabbed a glass and the bottle of vodka on the side. She three glasses down her throat as she heard Nikki shouting and banging on the door. She glanced at the phone in the corner.

After twenty minutes Helen became aware of the trouble that she was now in, if the neighbours called the police, if she called the police, if any of the PO's realised that Nikki was not in her cell. Her head hurt and it wasn't going to go away any time soon she suspected. So Helen went to let Nikki in not bothering to talk to her only leading her into the room before turning on her.

"Nikki, I am an employee of the home office do you have any idea?" Helen angrily said to her as she firmed her jaw.

"Don't worry; I'm not going to get caught." Nikki's voice was soft considering that usually she would have argued back.

"You are completely mad!" Helen was exasperated with the woman in front of her. How could Nikki possible think that everything was going to be fine?

Nikki stepped towards her, her arms outstretched towards Helen willing her to accept the offer.

"I love you, when I thought I'd pissed you off I didn't know how I could live," She said her face within a couple of inches of Helen's, her hands rubbing over her shoulders. Helen struggled to keep control; she let out short breaths as she tried to resist being drawn in to Nikki. "And then I got this chance and I just want to make the most of it. We've got a whole night together."

"No Nikki, this is not the way," Helen turned away trying to push Nikki away but she kept a hold of her. Nikki looked towards the floor before looking into Helen's eyes.

"Tell me that you love me," She pleaded softly.

"Oh Nicola," Helen couldn't resist her anymore she caved in to the beautiful woman before her. As Nikki kissed her lips Helen visibly relaxed, she couldn't help but feel safe. She accepted the kiss and kissed Nikki back before Nikki pulled away to kiss her nose. Helen pulled her back in for a deep kiss; she needed the comfort and the support Nikki gave to her. She surprised herself though when she found that she was undressing Nikki quite quickly and before she knew it she was kissing her lover's bare shoulders. Nikki's left hand was getting tangled in her soft hair and wrapping around her shoulders whilst the other stayed firmly on Helen's hip. When she pulled back a little to undo the zip of Helen's blue jacket Nikki placed the tip of her thumb against Helens bare skin and as it ran down the zip it caused Helen to shiver. Helen shrugged her shoulders helping Nikki to get her out of the top once out Helen pushed Nikki back so that her knees hit the back of the sofa and she fell down onto it, she tossed the disregarded clothing to the floor. Helen sat astride her waist never leaving contact. Things were beginning to get very heated as Helen's need for Nikki increased she put Nikki's hands to her breasts silently encouraging Nikki. Helen leaned down again to kiss Nikki passionately as the dark haired woman's hands ran across the Scot's bare back.

"Oh God," Helen moaned as she felt the dampness between her legs thicken. Helen took it upon herself to take off her bra and as she did Nikki's eyes widened at the other woman's beauty, Helen smiled at her, her lips full and slightly bruised from their kissing, her skin glowing in the dim light and her eyes shining with both love and lust.

"Come on sweetheart, I'm not making love to you on my sofa. Not yet anyway." Helen's voice was husky as she pulled Nikki to her feet and led her to the bedroom.

"Trousers, off" Helen instructed as she stepped back against the door. As Nikki began to follow the orders Helen copied her every move. Nikki stood there staring at Helen in awe she couldn't believe this was actually happening in all of her wildest dreams. She took Helen into her arms and just held her for a moment, Helen's hands found Nikki's hair and she gently stroked it as she kissed her shoulder and neck lightly. It was a comforting gesture that Nikki appreciated after the whirlwind of emotions she was being taken through this night. A short while later Nikki tugged Helen towards the bed where they both fell onto the covers, they simply laid there staring into the other's eyes whilst gently touching and stroking the others soft skin. Nikki began with a kiss on Helens lips and then kissed both of heer eyes before starting a light path down her neck and across her collar bone she stopped a moment as she looked at the small pale scar that laid there before kissing it lightly. She carried on across Helen's shoulder's wanting to kiss every inch of the perfect woman before her, as she left light kisses on her arms she stopped again as she noticed more scars, she noticed they couldn't have been too deep and there were only six of them but she looked up to Helen's eyes whose were closed shut. Helen flinched a tiny bit when she had realised Nikki stopped and peeked open to see Nikki looking at her before kissing each light scar delicately never once giving away eye contact. After kissing each fingertip she kissed Helen's chest, her breasts, and her tummy and began kissing her legs, all the way down to her toes. She paid extra attention to the other small scars that were just visible on her hip, and the tops of her thigh and ankle. Before Nikki rolled Helen over onto her back and as her hand glided down her tummy leaving little goose bumps on the way she soon reached her destination, playing in the thatch of hair she found there Helen pulled Nikki's lips towards her own meeting her with a rich passionate kiss as she did this Helen moaned loudly into Nikki's mouth who entered her with two fingers. Slowly Nikki pumped in out of Helen never losing eye contact which turned Helen on even more. Helen bit on her lip as she felt her climax beginning to build inside her and Nikki curled her fingers.

"I love you," Nikki whispered into Helens ear as her climax overtook her twice she was left breathing heavily on Nikki who swept away a piece of sweat drenched hair from Helen's face. Helen squeezed Nikki making sure that she wouldn't leave her. After Helen had recovered slightly she turned on Nikki promising to prove to her how much she loved her by pleasuring her and though it was Helens first lesbian sexual experience she brought Nikki over the edge a couple of times before holding Nikki in her arms and kissing her delicately.

"I love you Nikki," She whispered into her ear whilst she kissed her cheek. "I love you."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nikki's smile said it all and though Helen was still blushing from her confession and was obviously embarrassed she didn't regret seeing her lover look so happy at her simple yet truthful statement. Nikki looked down into the glossy eyes of her girlfriend her own shining with the amount of emotion that she had kept locked up for the previous months. Slowly a tear trickled down her cheek, and then another and another until soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. Helen placed her hand on the side of Nikki's head, pulling her face into her shoulder as she held her tight kissing her temple reassuringly.

"Shhh if I had known I was this bad, I wouldn't have touched you." She smiled slightly kissing her new lover lightly again.

"You weren't," She sobbed and as Helen went to speak Nikki silenced her needing to say to her the words that were swimming in her head. "For so long now Helen I have been by myself, having to look out for myself, defend myself back at Larkhall there isn't a single moment when you can let your guard down because there is always someone out to get you. Then you enter and suddenly I'm being treated not only like an adult but like a person and you let me have books and I'm falling for you, I fall hard for you. Somehow through it all you have feelings for me, feelings for a stubborn con with no hope and you free me. So when I got this chance Helen, I just had to take it. I couldn't- I can't lose you."

Helen could not say anything as her throat closed over and went dry and tears formed in her own eyes.

"You Nicola Wade are a soppy git," She smiled making light of the situation and placed a lingering kiss on Nikki's lips and immediately deepened it as she tasted her. Nikki twisted and rolled herself on top of Helen so that she was hovering over her, she slipped her knee in between Helen's legs and bent it slightly applying only a little pressure as her hands softly stroked Helen's silky hair. Helen gasped and bit her bottom lip as a sudden surge flooded down between her legs. They seemed to stare at each other lost between themselves again as they took advantage of the time they had together to just love and caress the other. She reached out with her own hands and glided them up Nikki's arms towards her face before she rolled Nikki over in surprise the tall woman squealed slightly in shock causing Helen to giggle which affected Nikki's body in a funny way beneath her.

"I thought it was about time I showed you just how much I love you," Helen whispered seductively as she kissed a light path down Nikki's neck nipping and licking as she went along. As she reached her breasts she kissed the tip of a pert nipple before taking it fully in her mouth and suckling gently on it and nibbling before giving the other breast the same slow torture. Nikki arched her back whilst her hands still played in Helen's hair and a low moan escaped her lips. Helen lifted her head again to kiss Nikki passionately again as she slid her fingers down her toned stomach feeling the skin beneath her fingertips quiver and goose bump in anticipation, she slid over Nikki's centre though causing the dark haired woman beneath her to raise her hips to try to gain the contact she craved. Helen giggled again low and sexy as she felt the action, she danced her fingers to Nikki's knee before gliding them back up again switching from tickling her skin to lightly scraping her nails in a winding pattern on the inside of her thigh. As she reached the top of her thigh Nikki squeezed her legs tight together trying to alleviate some of the tension building there but Helen simply forced her hand between and opened them again denying her the pressure. Instead she played in the thatch of hair she found there while leaning down and tasting her lovers lips again.

When she heard Nikki moan she let herself feel the slick wetness of her partner. Nikki opened her eyes and looked into Helen's, the soft hazel eyes speckled with green so complicated much like the Scot herself were smiling seductively back at her as she saw her fingers reach up to her lips and enter her mouth tasting Nikki's juices. Helen moaned loudly savouring the unique flavour on her tongue before swiftly pushing the two digits into Nikki's hot core; her gasp was muffled by the climax that was now building inside of her, her chest heaving as she panted for the release she so desperately wanted. Helen continued to pump her fingers inside her and applied slight pressure to her clit before biting down hard on her lover's breast and Nikki screamed loudly, she instantly felt the woman beneath her quiver and her inner walls tighten as she looked up she saw the contented look on Nikki's face, she licked over the teeth marks she had just imprinted before gently kissing her lightly. She laid a top of her just watching Nikki as she slowly came back down to earth before slowly moving her fingers again causing Nikki to stir and her eyes to fly open.

"Oh God Helen, not again," she whimpered.

"Now I know you don't mean that sweetheart," She chuckled as she brought her over the edge again before collapsing in the crook of Nikki's arm. Helen knew that Nikki had come back to reality when she felt her carefully nudge her awake.

"I'm not asleep," Helen grumbled against her lover' s chest, her face resting against the warm, smooth skin and listening to the steady beating of her partner's heart. She reached out her tongue to lick a fine line that tasted of salty, dry sweat and Nikki. Nikki shifted slightly away from her which earned her a disapproving glare.

"Helen, if you keep doing things like that, then I will lose control. Again." She explained drawing small circles over the Scots skin a small smirk tugging her lips.

"Would that be so bad?" Helen looked up through her eyelashes in a very timid manner before kissing Nikki's skin on her chest gently. As she lifted her face she gasped and spun herself away from Nikki, wrapping the mass of white linen bed sheets around her body, leaving Nikki with the thick quilt whilst Helen herself buried herself away completely disentangling herself from the dark haired beauty. Nikki frowned in confusion and carefully placed a hand on what she thought would be Helen's shoulder as she saw the bundle lightly shake.

"Helen, sweetheart, what's wrong? You're scaring me." Nikki begged her voice trembling slightly.

"I am so sorry, Nikki" Helen sniffled between the sheets as Nikki's confusion grew deeper.

"Please tell me your not having second thoughts Helen, after what you've just done there is no way-" Nikki's voice rose with frustration. Helen flew the sheets off her body sitting up straight, her eyes wide, full of apology, anguish and tear tracks betraying her distress.

"No Nikki, I don't regret it! I'm just sorry I hurt you so badly!" She wailed rubbing the back of her hand across her nose as she sniffled.

"Hurt me?" Nikki asked thoroughly puzzled by the smaller woman's outburst.

"The mark, on your, um, boob." She hiccupped and pushed her palms into her eyes wishing that she could just disappear. She heard Nikki chuckle beside her. "It's not funny!"

Helen hissed loudly and felt Nikki lead her hands away from her eyes. She kissed the palms before looking into Helen's worried eyes.

"You are kidding right?" Nikki asked to which Helen glowered and began to move her hands to her eyes again before Nikki wrapped two fingers and a thumb around each wrist before once again bringing them away from her lover's face. Nikki sighed before carrying on. "Helen, believe me, it didn't hurt that much, and what I did feel made our sex a hell of a lot hotter!"

Helen blushed a deep red which was more out of appreciation rather than embarrassment and chewed on her bottom lip as she began to relax. At that moment Nikki thought Helen looked utterly gorgeous her skin was a honey colour that still held a light flush, she sported seriously messy bed hair and her wide eyes shone black orbs in the light, the way her teeth bit into the pink flesh of her bruised lips made her look striking. Nikki's eyes then ran over the length of Helen's body going up and down slowly as she licked her lips. The way Helen was laid slightly propped up against the head board gave her goddess like grace as the white sheet draped over one breast leaving one exposed and continued to wrap around her body one leg a little bent over the other as she propped herself up on her elbow allowing Nikki to see her ample cleavage and the exaggeration of her exposed breast.

Nikki could feel herself being drawn in by Helen's look and her gaze flicked from Helen's eyes to her lips. She gently brushed her own lips against Helens. Still within a couple of inches of the other, Helen placed her hand on Nikki's cheek.

"I love you Nikki." She said again a smile spreading across her face causing Nikki to return it.

"I like the sound of that." Nikki stated simply and leaned into her partner's hand.

"Good because I plan on saying it a lot."

The moment was perfect until it was interrupted by Nikki's stomach growling loudly and Helen raised her eyebrow.

"I take it your hungry?" Helen asked.

"Well I couldn't stomach it before, too nervous but I'm sure you'll be able to fill me up." Nikki winked back to which Helen blushed a deep red and climbed out of bed. She slipped on a cream dressing gown before throwing a lilac one to Nikki. Helen stood by the door admiring as her lover stood gracefully and shrugged on the much too short gown gracefully. She looked over her well toned muscles, her slightly tanned skinned and long legs and inhaled quickly. As Nikki turned around to see Helen's expression she looked confused.

"What?" She asked.

"You are so beautiful" Helen whispered before disappearing out the door and skipping along to the kitchen. Nikki stopped rooted to the spot for a moment with a big grin slapped across her face before she followed Helen out. She soon found her flitting around the kitchen opening and closing various drawers and doors. She brought over to the counter some brown bread and began to butter the sides as Nikki sat on kitchen stool seeming content to just watch her lover in this very domestic situation. She watched as she sliced the cheese and placed both it and the ham onto the bread before cutting it into four small picnic triangles. Helen then placed the plate in front of Nikki.

"I am sorry it's just a sandwich but I'm not really a cooking person," Helen blushed and wrinkled her nose in anticipation for Nikki's reaction. She watched as Nikki smelt the bread and inhaled the fresh, wholesome aroma before taking a bite. Helen squeezed her fingers, thinking to herself how silly it was that she wanted Nikki to approve of her so much.

"It might be just a sandwich but it is certainly better than that stale, mushy shit that gets served at Larkhall," Nikki replied gleefully taking another large bite as Helen's shoulder's relaxed.

"Tea? Coffee?" She asked.

"Coffee please," Nikki replied smiling up at Helen. As Nikki finished off her sandwiches Helen busied herself with boiling the water in the kettle and fixing the drinks when she suddenly froze.

"Helen? What's the matter?" Nikki asked quietly.

"I've just realised, I don't even know how you take your coffee. Something as simple as that and I don't know the answer. I mean, I know what turns you on, I know where you are most sensitive, I know you own a club and I know you killed a man to protect the one you love but I don't know the basics. What kind of partner am I?" She flustered throwing her arms around as she tried to explain how she felt.

"A gorgeous one." Nikki reached out her hands which Helen gladly took; she looked at the floor as she was tugged to stand between Nikki's legs. Nikki raised her fingers to tilt Helen's chin so she could look her in the eye. "Helen those small things do not matter, we can learn those things about each other in time. I'm more bothered about right now and this amazing opportunity we have been given. I also know the person you are, like the fact that you are stubborn, make very poor decisions sometimes and you see what you do wrong when it's too late but despite that I also know that you are loyal, you stand up for what you believe in and you help people who need it even if they don't acknowledge it or give you thanks. Most importantly though Helen, _you_ are my Hope."

"Oh Nikki," Helen choked stroking her face and willing her fingers to memorise the beautiful features in front of her. Nikki winked at her; the sincerity that was in her words was reflected in her gaze.

"Milk, no sugar," She prompted to which Helen nudged Nikki in the shoulder before turning back to the kettle a happy smile on her face.

As she returned to the table she placed down Nikki's coffee in front of her before sitting on the opposite side of the table.

"I like mine black, two sugars." Helen said blowing the steam rising from her mug as it danced above the dark liquid.

"Why don't we play a game? We can take it in turns asking questions about the other," Nikki smiled smugly pleased with herself.

"Okay but I'm going first. What is your favourite food?" Helen asked.

"Well before I got sent down I would have said something along the lines of wild salmon tartar with quails egg" Nikki chuckled at her expression, "But I must say I really miss a good Sunday dinner with all the trimmings."

Nikki continued looking smugly over at Helen whilst she sat trying to pull herself together. "Oh and I bet yours is haggis."

Helen scowled at Nikki who was wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "I'll have you know there is nothing wrong with it, especially if you serve it with neeps and tatties with a drop of whisky."

Helen tried to defend herself but couldn't help herself from giggling when Nikki just laughed harder.

"What on earth are neeps and tatties?" Nikki gasped trying to control herself.

"Swede, turnip and potato. Mashed. I'll cook you it sometime." She grinned at her, Helen's eyes shone with amusement as she considered her lover sat before her. True Nikki was making fun of her but Helen didn't feel threatened by it, instead she rather enjoyed the playful banter.

"Ah my wee Scot." Nikki's voice softened as she had heard the end of Helen's statement, she had heard the promise and she hoped that they could both make it true. Nikki reached her hand across the table which Helen took squeezing it slightly as she rested the back of Nikki's hand beside her face.

"I like a decent curry." Helen sighed against Nikki's hand.

"What's your best childhood memory?" Nikki asked squeezing Helen's hand as she felt her lover tense beside her.

"I was seven and it was spring, I remember. Dad decided that we should go out as mum had been feeling well for a full week and she was fed up of staying indoors. So he took us to visit a small petting farm. I had so much fun we went on the tractor, played with the animals but I don't think I have ever been closer to my dad and mum well she was glowing with happiness as she watched us both. I remember dad putting a little fluffy chick in my hands and I ran over to mum and showed her, and all I could do was tell her everything daddy had told me about the yellow bird. I was filthy in less than hour of being their but he didn't tell me off like normal. For once we were relaxed as a family, everything was normal like, it should be. I miss that." Helen grimaced at the end and her breathing levelled out again after a few minutes. Slowly she looked up at Nikki almost expectantly and Nikki could almost see her fighting internally with herself to keep her barriers down and let Nikki in. Nikki decided that she should probably try and put Helen at ease and take the focus off her.

"My favourite childhood memory was when I was twelve and I had been studying really hard for my English exam it was about Shakespeare's Othello so I wanted to do well. So when I found out I had passed I ran up the front porch and fell smack into my mother, she looked so serious and I know my face just fell.

"Your father would like to see you in his study Nicola. Urgently." Mother said before turning away and heading into their living room. I stood there racking my brains in case my father had caught me doing something I shouldn't like going down to the stone wall past the horse paddock. It was out of bounds or smoking with some of the girls from school in the small cutting next to the local cafe. Anyway I walked quietly to his study and never before had the door seemed so threatening and I knocked timidly before he bellowed me in. I cringed before straightening my back and pushing the door open and walking in. I stopped in the middle of the red rug and just stared ahead of him. He looked so angry like he was trying to suppress the irritation in his deep frown and hard eyes by looking me over head to toe. He screeched his chair back on the wooden floor and it went right through me but I didn't flinch. In the eyes of my father a Wade shows no weakness. He came round his desk and stood directly in front of me before picking me up and swinging me around. He actually congratulated me on my result of being top in the year and the school. He said he was proud." As Nikki spoke her eyes glistened and her smile shone.

"Oh Nikki," Helen whispered as she moved the hand that was not held against her cheek to gently brush some hair from Nikki's face.

"He never showed affection towards us. He just demanded respect." She said bitterly before standing up from the table abruptly and taking Helens hand she led her to the living room. Helen new that this conversation had ended and though she wanted to know everything about the woman in front of her she knew there would be a better time. Tonight was about their relationship and love, everything else could wait. They sat upon the sofa resting back and clasping each other's hands. Nikki stroked intricate patterns into the back of Helens hand before running her fingertips to her wrist slowly caressing over her soft skin.

"Helen, sweetheart, please tell me how you got those scars."


End file.
